Is Meeting Needs Wrong? Fighting the "Internalized Critic"
Working until 5 PM, my hands were cold. I realized this was a signal of overusing my brain and poor circulation. I should have gone to get some hot water or walked around, but a voice popped up: “What will my colleagues think? Will they think I’m always running to the bathroom and not working seriously?”
This is the “Internalized Critic.” It uses seemingly reasonable excuses to stop us from practicing self-care.
Why Is This Voice So Stubborn?
It stems from early “blame education.” When a child’s normal physiological or emotional needs (hunger, tiredness, crying) were met with criticism, their subconscious internalized a belief: “Meeting my needs is wrong; it bothers others.”
Fact-Checking (CBT)
- Catch Automatic Thoughts: “I can’t rest; people will think I’m lazy.”
- Find Evidence Against It:
- Most colleagues are busy with their own work and aren’t paying attention to me.
- Do I track how many times my colleagues go to the bathroom? No.
- Drinking water and resting improve efficiency, not avoid work.
- Reframe with Neutral Thoughts: “This is my body signaling a need. I have the right to meet basic needs. No one cares, and even if they do, it has nothing to do with my competence.”
Only when you put yourself first does that “fabricated judgment” lose its power.