Inner Order and the "Control Freak" Mother

On the return trip from Hong Kong, my mother’s persistent urging and controlling behavior triggered an outburst in me.

I have a strong need for inner order; I need my life to run according to a preset rhythm. My mother’s habitual “restlessness” and control over pacing precisely shattered my defenses. I lashed out with harsh words, then sank into deep frustration.

Awareness: From “Blame” to “Need”

I realized I easily pick up on cues in my family’s words, process them further, and ignite anger. What I perceive is surveillance and negation.

Reflection:

• Energy Flow: When external disturbances appear, my energy isn’t used to see the present clearly, but is diverted into resistance and internal friction.
• Inner Order: I get angry because I equate “order” with “safety.” When order is broken, my sense of survival is shaken.

Practice: The “Low Battery Protocol”

When sleep-deprived or unwell, the Prefrontal Cortex’s (PFC) ability to regulate emotions drops significantly. This is the time to activate the “Low Battery Protocol”:

• Lower self-expectations.
• Reduce unnecessary social interactions.
• Tell yourself: “I need to prioritize self-care right now. It doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong.”